I had a good cry and I'm feeling fabulously better. I shall do my best to start talking, not worry so much, and really stop trying so hard because it's not getting me anywhere. I shall indulge some of my inherent slackness and disinterest, as that is what makes me the wonderul vanilla person I am.
Whee!
Monday, September 23, 2002
I forget that I haven't posted in so long. I'm too depressed to do homework and Sylvia has people over downstairs, so I've resorted to wasting time on the computer again.
Ayako left for San Francisco last week, Tuesday morningish. She's on the road somewhere past Chicago... her phone has no service but she's been checking e-mail because she sent me a happy b-day note last night. Yep, that's right, today's my *special day*. Pardon the bitter sarcasm, I'm in a shitty mood.
Not because no one remembered, or anything. Caron called last night, Jenny called this morning looking for my home number so she could call me tonight (I'm waiting to cheer up before I call her), Joanne and Mom sent me e-mails. Even a girl in the EARTH club said Happy Birthday to me after the meeting, since I had mentioned it in the e-mail last week.
I'm just so lonely I can't stand it. It's not like I don't know people that live here in the city, it's that I don't know them *well*. Well enough to say hi, chat about things, whatever, but not well enough that they remember my birthday, that they take me out to dinner or anything like that. So, no presents, no party, no cards. I mean, sure, I could have publicized it more or something, but who wants that? That's not what I'm talking about, not the attention. It's what it symbolizes. The fact that you have people near you who know you and care. I had that, and now they're gone.
Eh, I'm just in a self-pitying whiny mood right now. I've been kind of pissy all week, actually. At least I'm not very stressed out, but just.. things keep going wrong, you know? Things break, or don't work, food goes rotten early or is bad when you bring it home from the store, the store doesn't have what you need so you buy what you don't really want, whatever. I just want to curl up and wallow in my misery, or at least do something completely unproductive like have a movie fest and gorge on popcorn or something. I keep thinking I'll open up that bottle of wine I bought months ago for the party, but I'm not really that interested. I don't want to drink to console myself and I'm not in the mood to celebrate, so there's no real point.
What else can I say? Blah blah blah. I'm in a funk. I'm trying desperately to pull myself out of it but I think tonight I'm going to have to succumb. There's certainly enough stuff I can think about to rid myself of this extra sodium, but I don't want to end up with a sore throat and a headache.
Maybe I'll just write this one-page proposal for my commuting studio and go to bed. Give up on the day, and call my sister tomorrow. By then I'll have had kickboxing and gotten some anger out of my system.
I feel like I'm in tenth grade again.
Ayako left for San Francisco last week, Tuesday morningish. She's on the road somewhere past Chicago... her phone has no service but she's been checking e-mail because she sent me a happy b-day note last night. Yep, that's right, today's my *special day*. Pardon the bitter sarcasm, I'm in a shitty mood.
Not because no one remembered, or anything. Caron called last night, Jenny called this morning looking for my home number so she could call me tonight (I'm waiting to cheer up before I call her), Joanne and Mom sent me e-mails. Even a girl in the EARTH club said Happy Birthday to me after the meeting, since I had mentioned it in the e-mail last week.
I'm just so lonely I can't stand it. It's not like I don't know people that live here in the city, it's that I don't know them *well*. Well enough to say hi, chat about things, whatever, but not well enough that they remember my birthday, that they take me out to dinner or anything like that. So, no presents, no party, no cards. I mean, sure, I could have publicized it more or something, but who wants that? That's not what I'm talking about, not the attention. It's what it symbolizes. The fact that you have people near you who know you and care. I had that, and now they're gone.
Eh, I'm just in a self-pitying whiny mood right now. I've been kind of pissy all week, actually. At least I'm not very stressed out, but just.. things keep going wrong, you know? Things break, or don't work, food goes rotten early or is bad when you bring it home from the store, the store doesn't have what you need so you buy what you don't really want, whatever. I just want to curl up and wallow in my misery, or at least do something completely unproductive like have a movie fest and gorge on popcorn or something. I keep thinking I'll open up that bottle of wine I bought months ago for the party, but I'm not really that interested. I don't want to drink to console myself and I'm not in the mood to celebrate, so there's no real point.
What else can I say? Blah blah blah. I'm in a funk. I'm trying desperately to pull myself out of it but I think tonight I'm going to have to succumb. There's certainly enough stuff I can think about to rid myself of this extra sodium, but I don't want to end up with a sore throat and a headache.
Maybe I'll just write this one-page proposal for my commuting studio and go to bed. Give up on the day, and call my sister tomorrow. By then I'll have had kickboxing and gotten some anger out of my system.
I feel like I'm in tenth grade again.
Sunday, September 01, 2002
I'm in Charlotte for Labor Day weekend, thanks to specials at US Air.
I got home Friday night (after having spent a good two hours sitting on the 28x airport flyer, luckily still getting to the gate 10 minutes early because something inside me told me that I absolutely *had* to take the 4:20 shuttle), had a Boca bratwurst (don't carry those in Pittsburgh, unfortunately), watched some US Open, talked to Caron and went to bed.
Saturday Caron and I went out to 'breakfast' at Monterrey's - La Fiesta in Oakland is okay, but just not *quite* as good as the Mexican down here. Especially the chips. Mmmm. After running some errands that I will not go into for fear of incrimination (only 3 people know what I'm talking about), we went to dinner at Midtown Sundries. The Mississippi State game was on (lost to Oregon) and a huge table of fans was next to us loudly watching the many big-screen TVs. I got a 'fried shrimp ceasar pita' without the shrimp, to the confusion of the waitress, stole some Captain's Wafers, and called Ayako on the way to pick up LaTarsha.
The Smelly Cat cafe in NoDa was closed early for the holiday weekend, and Cafe Bijoux on Central is apparently long gone and replaced with a bakery of some kind. So we drove back across town to my house, picked up Trivial Pursuit (took a tour of the completed bathroom, ala Lisa and Mom, very nice), and hit Starbucks at Carmel Commons. There we were locked in battle for an untold number of hours, until I finally won on a question I can't even remember. LaTarsha and I were chasing each other around the hub for quite a while and Caron wasn't far behind. LaTarsha really should have won on the Worcestershire Sauce question, though.
Today I've been doing laundry, preventing an ant invasion and wasting time on the computer. We plan to see the Bourne Identity today, possibly go bra/jean shopping at the sales, then find someplace that we can all eat for dinner (four diets: small portions high protein, vegetarian, low-carb, and generally picky).
Apparently everyone has lost weight except me. Well, okay, so I'm down 3-5 pounds, but still. All summer. Vegan. Kickboxing. Ugh. Mom's down 10 pounds on her no flour, no sugar diet. LaTarsha dropped a whopping 50+ in Germany, apparently just by walking everywhere (you'd think that would work, wouldn't you?). Caron's scale says she's lost 25 but she doesn't think it shows, Sarah's maybe only 50 pounds overweight once she has the excess skin removed (which is frightening, as I am *more* than 50 pounds overweight). I'm not sure about Jenny, I guess no news means no change.
I didn't get a chance to take pictures of the necklaces/bracelets I made for the sisters. Lapis Lazuli, garnets, and blue/black glass beads for Jenny, garnets, red jasper, and pearlescent glass for Sarah. Sarah's came out better because the garnets are a more standard size, and Jenny's materials were all just too dark and hard to see. Hopefully they'll both be happy. Beading is addictive, but satisfying, like knitting. The scarves are temporarily on hold.
I'm off to shower and search for my art bin. Oh, and vacuum up the ant corpses...
I got home Friday night (after having spent a good two hours sitting on the 28x airport flyer, luckily still getting to the gate 10 minutes early because something inside me told me that I absolutely *had* to take the 4:20 shuttle), had a Boca bratwurst (don't carry those in Pittsburgh, unfortunately), watched some US Open, talked to Caron and went to bed.
Saturday Caron and I went out to 'breakfast' at Monterrey's - La Fiesta in Oakland is okay, but just not *quite* as good as the Mexican down here. Especially the chips. Mmmm. After running some errands that I will not go into for fear of incrimination (only 3 people know what I'm talking about), we went to dinner at Midtown Sundries. The Mississippi State game was on (lost to Oregon) and a huge table of fans was next to us loudly watching the many big-screen TVs. I got a 'fried shrimp ceasar pita' without the shrimp, to the confusion of the waitress, stole some Captain's Wafers, and called Ayako on the way to pick up LaTarsha.
The Smelly Cat cafe in NoDa was closed early for the holiday weekend, and Cafe Bijoux on Central is apparently long gone and replaced with a bakery of some kind. So we drove back across town to my house, picked up Trivial Pursuit (took a tour of the completed bathroom, ala Lisa and Mom, very nice), and hit Starbucks at Carmel Commons. There we were locked in battle for an untold number of hours, until I finally won on a question I can't even remember. LaTarsha and I were chasing each other around the hub for quite a while and Caron wasn't far behind. LaTarsha really should have won on the Worcestershire Sauce question, though.
Today I've been doing laundry, preventing an ant invasion and wasting time on the computer. We plan to see the Bourne Identity today, possibly go bra/jean shopping at the sales, then find someplace that we can all eat for dinner (four diets: small portions high protein, vegetarian, low-carb, and generally picky).
Apparently everyone has lost weight except me. Well, okay, so I'm down 3-5 pounds, but still. All summer. Vegan. Kickboxing. Ugh. Mom's down 10 pounds on her no flour, no sugar diet. LaTarsha dropped a whopping 50+ in Germany, apparently just by walking everywhere (you'd think that would work, wouldn't you?). Caron's scale says she's lost 25 but she doesn't think it shows, Sarah's maybe only 50 pounds overweight once she has the excess skin removed (which is frightening, as I am *more* than 50 pounds overweight). I'm not sure about Jenny, I guess no news means no change.
I didn't get a chance to take pictures of the necklaces/bracelets I made for the sisters. Lapis Lazuli, garnets, and blue/black glass beads for Jenny, garnets, red jasper, and pearlescent glass for Sarah. Sarah's came out better because the garnets are a more standard size, and Jenny's materials were all just too dark and hard to see. Hopefully they'll both be happy. Beading is addictive, but satisfying, like knitting. The scarves are temporarily on hold.
I'm off to shower and search for my art bin. Oh, and vacuum up the ant corpses...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)