Who the fuck uses Netscape, anyway?

Nobody should use Netscape.

Netscape sucks.

Goddamn motherfucking piece of shit makes my page look like crap doesn't work on different computers nonbackward compatible nonsustainable computing assholes.

I have a headache. I want to bash my head continously into my monitor until NOTHING HURTS ANYMORE.

Christ. I just fought with tables for the last hour, trying to get my images to line up with the backgrounds, and it seemed no matter what I said they just refused to line up. I got so frustrated I about tore my face off.

Finally, I'm wandering around webmonkey and I happen to click a random link and realize that because I typed this:

<td>

  <img src="url">

</td>

instead of this:

<td><img src="url"></td>

it was fucking up the whole works. GAAAAAH.

I hate computers.

Whoo! Happy post-Christian celebration. ;)

My Christmas wasn't exactly loaded this year. I got a few CDs, some ugly-ass but probably comfortable pajamas (which is all that really counts anyway), a set of nice glasses to replace the ones broken in the Beeler house, a silver wine bottle opener (in the off chance I ever end up opening that bottle I bought in July) and random stocking-stuffer things. Good Christmas, though. And Mom & Grammy are giving me a $300 Visa card so I can buy work clothes for whatever job I'm going to get. Sweet, I needed that. All I have are 2 pairs of jeans and various blue, green, and off-white long-sleeved shirts/sweaters.

So I'm back working on my portfolio, listening to my Puddle of Mudd CD (I got my Rage CD, too.) No cookbook, though. Or a winter-car kit. Guess I'm on my own for those.

If I can get a JOB! I really hope I become self-sufficient quickly. Before that, I suppose, I'll go visit Ayako, though. Still need to book those tickets, damn.

Anyhoot. Hope all is well everywhere and everyone cleaned UP.

Hate it. Hate it hate it!

No, not the puppy. Mom came home and has taken over the watch. No, I hate coding webpages. More specifically, I hate that the webpage I spent the past 3 months working on in my spare time is not compatible in Netscape and looks like doodie on screens with small resolutions (like my parent's monitor. Can't even go any higher. Bah).

I refuse to do 3 different versions of my portfolio and figure out browser detection. I don't want to use plugins. So I have to redo the whole damn thing so that it works in Nutscrape and cheap-ass old monitors. Goddamn.

Can't they all just get along?

Oooh, Chex Mix creation is occuring in the kitchen. I'll go... stir.

Stupid Emma. She woke up from her nap because I opened a bottle of soda, and refused to go to bed, or the bathroom when I took her outside. She seemed all right being outside for quite some time, but I eventually brought her in because I don't know what she's doing out there and I have to work upstairs on the computer to get my portfolio ready so I can get a J-O-B, as mom puts it (quite emphatically).

So I brought her upstairs on a leash, short enough that she wouldn't go nosediving through the railing into the empty space above the foyer, but she couldn't handle that and freaked out because she couldn't go in my bathroom (when I had the door shut). Then, THEN, she peed on the carpet right in front of me, after she'd been outside for at least half an hour. That was it.

I took her downstairs and put her in the crate, where she now screams at me with all the fury contained in her 3 pound puppy body. She hates being crated. Mom finally got rest last night, because our vet, Dr. Tom, suggested she can't stand being away from her Mommy, and to put her in a box in her bedroom at night instead of a crate, being more open. It worked, she slept for hours and only had to get up to pee once.

I hate causing such obvious pain to a cute little puppy like Emma, but I did not come home to be a 24 hour petsitter. I know she's a baby and she needs constant attention lest she ruin something or hurt herself, but I also can't stand Mom yelling at me to get my shit together and send it out to firms, and to stop reading and watching TV, when I am doing so because I am chained to that puppy, and Mom gets to go out and get her fucking nails done. It's not my goddamn puppy.

I hate hearing her scream like this and scratch at the cage, but she needs to deal. If she's going to be spoiled enough that being leashed with a 5 foot radius next to me is torturous enough to make her growl and bark and pee the carpet, she needs to endure the 'hardship' of being in a carpeted puppy carrier with her food dish. Christ.

Yes, I am not pleased with this situation. Particularly the fact that Mom feels the need to treat me like I'm a teenager again and yell at me for sleeping in until the ungodly hour of 10 am. Oh fuck, I was supposed to do something with the dishwasher. This doesn't help my case.

This is why I do not want to move home. How long until January 3rd again?

By the way, I thought I'd relate something I found really funny:

My mom was out shopping in her new car, and when she came back to the parking lot, there was a handwritten note on her windshield that said, "Who would buy a purple car? What a waste of $50,000."

Mom was fuming for a couple hours, really upset and pissed as all hell. After a while, she got a call from my older sister, Sarah, who asked, laughing, "Didja get my note?"

My sisters are evil.

There's a good discussion on misc.market right now about 'girl' vs. 'woman' (spawned from some idiot asking why there aren't any hot babes on campus. duh. hot babes go where the hot guys are. like Pitt.) I'm too chicken-shit to contribute, so I'll vent here.

Anyway, all these male-types are professing their utter confusion over why female-types get offended when referred to as 'girls'. As in, "I go to a women's school, not a girl's school". Guys, of course, are all talking out of their asses about how the term is perceived in society and blah blah.

Don't they know by now, women don't care about anyone's opinion, except other women? If you went to junior high as a female, you'd freaking know why, too. To a woman, a girl can and will mean any of the following:
-childish (as in pre-pubescent)
-dependent, relying on others to survive
-pink-tutu-giggles-in-malls feminine
-out of touch with reality
-naive, vulnerable, sitting duck, street-stupid, idealistic

Only when used in advertising does it mean 'fresh, young, beautiful, willowy-thin, satin-soft, etc.'

Example taken from real life:
(Caron talks about her cousin's college laundry allowance, where she's given enough to do 3 loads a week, and how it's often not enough)
(I exclaim that I only do 2 loads every 2 weeks, how many fucking clothes does she wear in one day)
Caron replies: "Yeah, Wendy, but you're not a girl."

In this context, girl means overtly feminine, frets about fashion, carries around lipgloss and lives at the mall.

If someone called me a girl in that context, or any of the above, I'd get pretty pissed. But of course, it's all in the usage. The term cannot be used between strangers or in such a way that either party may possibly take it seriously. For instance, when I don't answer my phone, Caron leaves a voicemail: "You're a dirty whore. Call me back." I don't take it seriously, because there's no reason for me to think that I may, in fact, be a dirty whore, or that Caron believes me to be so.

If Caron walked up to some skank in a bar who was glued to Caron's boyfriend and called her a dirty whore, that would probably start a fight.

Women are crazy. Men are dumb. I'll alert you when I believe otherwise.

Oh... my... god...

I can't believe this kid went to CMU, however briefly. UGH! I had heard buzz about him and various compliments and detriments to his talents, so while strolling around buy.com trying to figure out what CD I want to for Christmas, I noticed his name over on the 'top 20' and decided to see what he sounded like.

Ass, that's what he sounds like. Some horrific, brain-melting combination between Andrea Bocelli and Michael Bolton. Jeeezus. How embarassing.

Anyway, I'm home now, hanging out with kitty and puppy alike. Emma is just the cutest thing. She's like an animated toy, who's warm and furry and shakes a little. Especially when she's happy and that little mini tail goes wagging a mile a minute. Her little legs go whispering over the floor when she's in a hurry (which is always) - tikki takki tikki takki.

I'll put pictures up on here soon.

I really want to figure out a way to take the cat up with me, now. He's being treated pretty shittily here. He's ignored, yelled at, tortured by the dog (who doesn't understand that the cat's not down with playing, and chases him everywhere at full speed. She loves to charge him) - he's been sleeping up in my room because mom thought he kept waking Emma up during the night, so she'd start yipping constantly (really loudly) because she hates being locked up. The problem actually is that she can't sleep through the night yet, and she wakes up having to pee, and she tries not to pee, but then she pees, and she barks the whole time. Then she goes back to sleep and wakes up every hour, starting at 3/4 am and continuing until my mom finally gets up. So I don't think the cat is actually the problem, although he gets pretty pissy around dawn and cries until he gets let out of my room.

So I'd probably have to find an actual apartment that would be cat friendly so he could run around at night. He's such a bastard, though, I don't think he'd like roommates (or vice versa). I don't think I can afford a single, either. Difficulties.

I don't know what I want for Christmas... just big huge things I know I won't get (a really nice computer with a really nice printer and a decent scanner). I'm trying to figure out what CD I want... I was leaning towards Moulin Rouge! but I listened to the track samples and changed my mind. Now I'm leaning towards Puddle of Mudd or an early Rage CD. Maybe also Queens of the Stone Age? I just don't know what type of music I want, but CDs are so easy to ship.

I just would prefer not to ask Bruce + Kathy to pick up something that looks really scary. Maybe a Beethoven? Hmm.

Mom just came back from exercise. I suppose I should do something today as well.

Ah, the memories.

Looking at these pictures takes me back.

...and reminds me that probably the reason why Ayako seems to be collecting dirty old men is because she looks like she's NINE YEARS OLD. It's only because I haven't seen her in a while that I can see her objectively and realize that.

So freakin' much to do today, and I want to start a tofudesign blog. Probably be more successful once Ayako gets DSL.

Countdown:
33 hours until the Panther Hollow Exhibit (yipe!)
53 hours until the Commuting Studio Crit
77 hours until the Green Visions, Gray Infrastructure presentation
6 days until I fly home
8 days until my history paper is due
10 days until I am officially graduated
159 days until the ceremony

Current theme song: The Smiths - How Soon Is Now.

Never actually listened to the lyrics until recently. Seriously. I know exactly what he means.

I saw "The Importance of Being Earnest" last night ($1 McConomy movie offering). I enjoyed it, but not as much as I could have, I think. It's obvious that they were having fun, which is nice, but it was a bit too... well, silly. Personally, I think Oscar Wilde can stand on his own without adding any extra humor (albeit from my extremely limited experience with his work). But it was still good, I wasn't really disappointed, just surprised.

I'm less stressed about work than bored, now. And I really want to find a subletter and move, and get a job.

I don't really want to go home. I love seeing my family and all, but I guess 3 weeks seems a little long. I want to go ahead and start my life, and I feel like I'm about to spend 3 weeks in traction or something.

Anyway, I have some research to do.

Holy shit.


Mwahahahhahaha. I love it when Charlotte's weather is worse than Pittsburgh's. Neener neener.

Possibly found a place I want to live next semester - two angry punk hippie veg-heads have a cheap-ass place in Oakland. Purrfect. The only problem is they're 2 guys, straight, I'm guessing. Jenny said to make sure they wouldn't rape me or anything, and to let them know that she has people that would kill them if they did. She wasn't being facetious, either. I'm guessing Caron would be able to supply some people of that ilk, as well, regardless of any negative past relationship I may have had with them.

It's a little scary knowing people could be killed on my behalf, but reassuring.

Mom's boyfriend Ronnie will meet our family friends of ~20 years, Bob and Connie. This is big. Especially given the timing... I wonder if she's aware of that. Probably. She decorated the Christmas tree by herself recently and felt pretty depressed.

It's still a little hard for me to remember that she's still feeling affected... that she's not forgetting him, or replacing him. I *know* she isn't, but I get confused sometimes about why she started dating so quickly. I don't think one really has to do with the other. It's probably my lack of experience with relationships. I get it, don't worry, I just have to mentally smack myself sometimes.

Presentation #1 tomorrow morning. Sheeit.

it is SO COLD.

17 degrees, but feels like 9. Jeezus H Christ on a fucking raft, why did people decide to live here? I can understand moving here in the summer, but why did they stay after the first winter? I'm opting to stay here in lieu of living at home, but at least we have things like central heating now. 300 years ago, what the fuck were people thinking?

Random thoughts from a tired person:
I don't care if it makes me look like a giant walking hand grenade, I am so glad right now I have my down-filled bubble jacket.

Designers do the weirdest things. I was just out on Forbes at 9 o'clock at night, in the freezing cold, surreptiously measuring a bus stop.

2 weeks from today I will officially be a graduate. 2 weeks and one day from today will be the first anniversary of my father's death. Life is strange.

It's 27 degrees out right now, wind chill 16. It's supposed to start snowing tonight around 6 am - who wants to bet I'll still be here to see it?

Josh and I went to Home Depot to pick up supplies for the exhibit, and I dropped a whopping $130 on my credit card. I hope we get reimbursed big time. Or that we're able to lie and return everything in two weeks. :)

On our way back, we stopped in Squill and Josh picked up coffee from Coffee Tree Roasters (love the White Mocha) while I scuttled carefully up the street to How Lee's for a quart of veggie lo-mein. Driving back to campus, Ayako called from NAPA VALLEY, where she's touring the countryside and doing wine-tastings with Rick. Well, she's doing sake-tasting, he's doing wine-tasting. Anyway, the point is, she's in Napa Valley, where it's 50 degrees. I, on the other hand, went home to shower and walked back to campus so thoroughly wrapped up I felt like the little brother from A Christmas Story. One more layer of clothing and I wouldn't have been able to put my arms down.

I don't know how the hell I'm going to get everything done in the next week. Jeeeezus. Ayako wants me to move to the Bay Area... I said if she can either find me a job that pays enough to offset the cost of living, or an apartment as cheap as one here in Pittsburgh, I'd move out there. She just laughed.

Sigh.