You know, this here is one of the problems with online courses. First, I found out that one of my teachers looks like Santa Claus, and that took me a long time to find out. I probably would have done more work had I known SANTA was teaching the class!!

And now, I find that my mythology teacher is a potential hottie. Hotties are so rare as teachers, and now here's one and I never get to see him. :(



Sigh... on the other hand, the information age has produced some strange habits that apparently are widespread. For instance, friends calling each other to talk about gossip or TV shows during a commercial, then simultaneously saying "It's back on" and hanging up to watch the rest of the show. Sarah did this during Law and Order with one of her friends, and Caron and I did it tonight with ER (she's upset that Dr. Greene's brain tumor is back. I'm sure he's not particularly thrilled about it either.) Oh, and Kovatch (sp) and Carter are getting in a fight next week! I'm gonna *have* to watch that. The two hotties rolling around on the floor with each other... ooooooo! It's like guys who like cat fights. Actually, my hormones are just in high alert or something, because hotties are just coming out of the woodwork. And for some reason, the patented response to "He's hot" is "YEAH he is." It's said a certain way, not sure if I can express it on here... but Eunice mentioned Kip the speed skater being hot, and I said, "YEAH he is", and I said that Mosely (hosting SNL this week) was hot and Caron said, "YEAH he is", and we said one other guy was hot but I forget who, and she said it again.

Morpheus has become downright insulting. I try to connect, and it says my version is TOO OLD to connect to the network. Age discriminating motherfuckers.

I really need to get something accomplished tomorrow.

And I need to do something about how scared I get so easily. I keep hearing the house make noises, regular house noises, like the wind blowing against the windows and they make a little cracking sound. But it sounds like someone at the door, or in the house, and it freaks me out. I have the alarm on, I don't know why I think people can get in without setting it off, but I do. In CatMan, I knew that Helen didn't always lock the door (I don't know what she was thinking), so when I would get home late at night and she wasn't there, I was already keyed up from the dark scary walk home. I'd check everywhere, in the closets, under the bed, turn on all the lights and check the entire place, before going to bed, and I would still keep opening my eyes every few seconds to make sure no one had opened the door to my room. I still do that, I did that last night while I was falling asleep with my headphones on. I also watch my cat, and if he suddenly lifts his head and looks at the (slightly open) bedroom door, I freak out and look at it to see if there's anyone there.

I live in a safe neighborhood. I've never been attacked. I have the alarm on. Why am I so fucking paranoid? Does everyone have this problem (doubtful)? I always think there's some freak coming to get me. I'm not this freaked out when someone else is in the house, regardless of who it is and their ability to actually defend me if it came down to it. I think it's my excessive imagination. And my nightmares. I have freaky ass nightmares. I told Dave and Willy (6'3") one of my nightmares and they got creeped out.

If you don't wanna get creeped out, don't keep reading.

Yeah, so one night I had a nightmare. I woke up in my room, in bed. It was dark, and I was the only one home. Everything was just as it was in real life, but there was something... off. I realized that there were no little electronic lights in the room, not my alarm clock or anything like that. Then, as my vision adjusted, I realized my bedroom door was open, when it's never open. Then I realized that there was someone in the hall, pacing back and forth outside my bedroom door. Every few passes, he would stop, stare in at me, then keep pacing. He was mumbling to himself and shaking his head. Crazy. I looked towards my portable phone, there at the foot of my bed. I looked back at the door and he was gone. I knew he was still in the house. He could be right outside the door, but I didn't know. I finally managed to move to the foot of my bed and pushed the 'talk' button to call 911, but nothing happened. The power was off, maybe the phone lines cut. I saw my cell phone, fully charged, sitting next to the open door. I knew I would never be able to pick it up, knowing that he could be waiting right outside the door. I'd just wait there until he came and got me. I considered even jumping out the window, but I was on the second story, and there was a cement walkway outside, and I could break my legs. Not to mention he could have left the house, and would be right there when I fell. I woke up with the sickening feeling that I was trapped by fear, that there was a way out but I didn't have the guts to use it.

I think that may be part of the reason I'm so scared all the time - not necessarily of being hurt. I don't care if I get beat up, I really don't. If that was all I had to worry about, I so wouldn't care. I really don't want to be raped, and I would like to spare my family the pain of me being killed. Also, I'd be kind of pissed because I think this life I'm in right now has a lot of potential, and I'd feel like I didn't get a whole lot accomplished in this life, and it'd be a big waste of time for the most part. But I think a lot of the reason that I'm scared is that I would be one of those stupid people on TV and in the movies, who had the chance to get out, but they were too dumb or too scared, and fucked up and got themselves killed. I think that's what would really bug me, that I wouldn't have the guts of the ability to do the right thing. Like the woman who stabbed her attacker with a pencil, a fucking pencil, and managed to get away. Would I think well enough to grab a pencil? I often choose the right thing in a bad situation, but not immediately. I choose something dumb first, then the right thing occurs to me. Usually it's in enough time, but when it's only a few seconds... I'd do something dumb. That's what worries me. That's why I'd wanna take martial arts and stuff - not only so that I'd have a little more chance of being effective, but to increase my confidence level. I'm gonna try to convince my mom to let me sign up for some after Spring Break. (That just so does not sound like something a 21 year old would say, does it? Well, I have no money, and no car, so I have to ask my mommy for everything. Only for a few more months.)

Sigh. Okay, I'll play some Doom and creep myself out (how many fucking levels does this game have, anyway???), and then go to bed, because fuck if I'm accomplishing anything.

And call Bob's cell phone and find out exactly when my mom is coming home, because she decided not to leave any of us that particular information. Good one, mom.

Blegh. Good night all. Sweet dreams.

People for Workers Rights - WEF protests

Yeah, I know these people. And I fucking love them. Aren't they fantastic?? Ahh, the balm for my bleeding heart...

Speaking of which, I was talking with (my sister) Sarah last night about politics (for the life of me I can't remember how we got on the topic). She kept going on about how people just don't seem to notice that Bush is a stupid dirty whore. That led us on to Enron, and I mentioned how when I first looked into his eyes on TV, I got the feeling that Dick Cheney was the incarnation of pure evil. Sarah said something that pretty much summed it up.... to paraphrase:

"Do you remember that show 'V'? You were pretty young when it was on, but it was this mini-series about an invasion of alien lizards taking over the earth, wearing human suits. And you know, if Dick Cheney decided to remove his human suit one day and he was actually a giant alien lizard, I would not be at all surprised." Yay.

Okay, you *know* I had to take this. And yes, I stole Logan's picture for later... enjoyment. *evil grin*


I'm Rogue
What X-Men Character are You?

Okay, finally. My internet connection has just been dicking me over today. First it said blogger was down, now it's taking forever to type anything in pine, and it has yet to connect to Morpheus. Um, this is WHY I'm paying 50 bucks a month for DSL....

Maybe it's just upset because I haven't been online in a few days. Or confused and baffled. Or maybe it feels betrayed because I used (gasp) another computer. I was at Sarah's place for a few days, to facilitate my going to classes. I got everything done I was supposed to, though. I finished my incense burner for Jenny (if it doesn't break apart in the kiln, since it's already broken like 5 times). It really needs to be cleaned up, it's got all this crap all over it, but maybe if I pile enough glaze on it, it'll cover all that up. *shrug* And I made my watering can in one day. It looks... interesting. I'm probably going to put a leaf design on it, maybe do an undercoat of white slip and then do paper resist leaves and speckle a darkish brown on, so it looks all antiqued or something. And something different inside, new and spring like. Although now it looks like a civil war vet, with a big white bag tying it together (the spout isn't properly cantilevered and it keeps breaking).

My weird shell-rib-fish-bug thing came out pretty well, although I liked it better with the old color, so I think I'm going to go with a darkish brown stain or oxide, to keep the texture on it. So now I'll have to start coloring stuff as well as making it. Like I didn't spend enough time there already. All of my stuff takes ass-long to make, is structurally unsound, organic.... hmm, REMIND you of anything? Like, maybe, my ENTIRE DESIGN PORTFOLIO??

I'm not sure whether they're bad habits I need to break, or part of my personal style and charm.

Meanwhile, since I've come home, my cat has not strayed more than 10 feet away from me at all times, and actually licked my finger today while I was petting him. I guess if he's desperate enough, anyone becomes 'mom'. He's been purring almost non-stop.

I have a pretty big to-do list (I'm working on it, can ya tell??), but at least it's not as bad as it was before. I got an 88 on my c++ test (the whole string thing threw me off), watched my two mythology videos, posted about both of them, took the test (but I forgot to read the selections for the last chapter first - d'oh!). All I need to do now is do laundry, clean the house, wrap the shower gifts, find Mom's itinerary so she can pick Mom up from the hairport on Saturday (no, that wasn't a typo), fix a lab for C++ and do a new one, do a realistic rendering of some small object on bristol board, plan my Florida trip and download some MP3s and do a round of burns for our trip. Although that last part I can do after Wednesday since we don't leave until Sunday. Not bad, right?

But of course, today I'm going to blog, eat, and play Doom, because I'm a slacker and I LOVE IT. I think I'm going to put blankets over my window (when I start sleeping upstairs again) so that I can sleep until mid-afternoon all the time. I've done that at least half a dozen times since my mom's been gone. Bwaaa hahahahahahaaa. At Sarah's on Tuesday I woke up at 2:30 and stayed in bed until 4pm. That was a new record for me... I woke up today at 1:30 because Caron called, but I had to pee anyway, so it worked out well. I called Sarah when I woke up, because she'd left me a couple messages. She told me about all the stuff that was in walking distance (because I'm the type to go to movies and coffeeshops by myself.... on foot...), and was worried that I'd feel housebound. Ha.

Okay, if I start my laundry now, it won't be a complete waste of time to play a couple rounds of Doom. Yeah.

Well, my mom took off for Naples today. She'll be there for 10 days with our old pals Bob and Connie, meeting her for R&R from Saudi Arabia. I really hope she has a good time. I don't know that she's ever really gone abroad without my dad with her, and I think she was beset by some doubts right before she left. I think it'll be good for her, though, to get away and start making her own memories. I just hope things go pretty well and she enjoys herself. Although it would be pretty hard to go wrong with Campania. ;)

She's been looking at traveling to a lot of places recently, and I really hope she takes me on at least one. I haven't left the country since I was 14, and there are so many place I want to go. I severely doubt, however, with my socially-redemptive job that I hope to get after graduation, that I'll be able to afford to really go anywhere. Which is why I was considering maybe looking at jobs in the Netherlands, which is where the concentration of those types of jobs seems to be. And from the Netherlands, you can go a helluva lot of places for not too much trouble. Except Australia, which is far away from everywhere except New Zealand. But I really wanna go there sometime soon...

I am going to Miami and the Keys soon, although now Caron has sufficiently pissed off John that it seems like there's not really a reason why we should be going *there*, but whatever. So now we're staying in fucking Ft. Lauderdale instead of closer to the Keys, which is where I wanted to go in the first place, and we'll be right down the street from a guy who's not talking to her now. Caron just makes her life difficult, and while I don't mind because it adds some vicarious interest to my life most of the time, it really sucks when you try to do something *with* her. Especially when it involves lots of money. But whatever, I can salvage the trip pretty well - there's the Art Deco section of Miami, the Everglades, the Keys, and various other sites of historical interest. I'll let Caron take me bar-hopping once or twice, I guess, to shut her up. Yeah, I'm a big nerd, but at least I know how to enjoy myself. Nyeah.

So right now, instead of being at school and catching up on all of my work, I'm sitting at home with a cold. It's not the worst cold I've ever had, but it's enough to make me achy and miserable, and it would just get worse if I was forced to be in public and all polite and everything. Here at home I can safely lounge around in my robe, drink gallons of OJ and make disgusting noises.

I should do my last couple of C++ labs and post to the discussion board of Myth and Human Culture. I was too tired and out of it Sunday night to say anything intelligent, and I've been too lazy since then. That's why I try to have mad work ethic for as long as possible, because once I miss a deadline, it's all downhill from there. Like when a figure skater falls on a jump and they just give up on the rest of the performance, even though they might still have a chance. I'm an Olympics addict.

So I've got the house to myself, pretty much, for a week and a half. If I had more energy, I'd do the Tom Cruise in Risky Business scene. We watched that Saturday night up in Pittsburgh at Dave, Jeff, blonde-haired Sarah and Shaina's house. I think Shaina lives there... Anyway, Dave chose it, as it is his "mom's favorite soft-core porn movie". No kidding. I'd only seen it on TV - whew! They did a lot of editing there, didn't they? It was only slightly awkward, as Alexys left early and Jeff walked Dorothy home, so it was just me (I was nodding off), an unconscious Ayako, and Dave. Earlier that night we were making enchiladas, Dorothy Jeff Alexys and I, and Ayako had gone to Dave's room earlier to pass out. She hadn't slept in a few days, so that was understandable. Dave was tired too, so he told Alexys that he was going upstairs to take a nap with Ayako. Then he said, "No, actually, I'm gonna go upstairs and have SEX with Ayako," and left. Alexys, innocent little "shoot and darn" girl that she is, just couldn't make herself actually say Sex, so she said Dave and Ayako were having cheesecake. Thus ensued multiple double entendres regarding cheesecake, which became our new word. (I severely doubt they were actually having sex though, since Ayako was too tired to do *anything*, and I don't think they've taken their relationship to that stage yet anyway).

The next day Ayako and I overslept (having gotten back to the Beeler house at 5 am), and had to buy a shitload of food at the Strip District and the Sq'Hill G'Eagle (prounounced squill geegle), and cooked frantically until 7:30, when about 15 of our closest friends showed up to be fed. Luckily we made just enough food. My praline topped sweet potatoes were a hit and used as burrito filling (?!). Mr. Allen's Candy went pretty quickly too. We all crammed onto the couch and watched the Olympics - the room absolutely exploded when the speed-skating crash happened and Ohno (Oh no!) went down. It was fun.

The party eventually broke up around 11 - 12, except the core group of Jeff, Dorothy, Alexys, Ayako, and Willy stayed behind. We discovered that Ayako had brought back some tape from the South Africa conference that made electric blue sparks when you pulled it apart, so we commenced sitting around in the pitch black living room pulling tape apart for the next hour or so. We sang along to the cheesy 70s/80s music coming from the party in the duplex next door, like Come Sail Away and Grease. Willy kept taking pictures with his digital camera and blinding the fuck out of all of us, but getting some great shots. Then we had a massive group hug while they were leaving around 2 and took pictures from inside the circle.

I told this to Jenny and my mom and Jenny commented that she would have done that stuff in college, but only if she was high, and realized that we were weird enough that we didn't need drugs. Which has been my stance all along, but hey...

Anyway, this blog is getting long enough. Time to program... well, maybe one game of NetHack first. ;)

Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

Bwa hahahahhaaaa. I just made a candy heart that says "you nig" and sent it anonymously to Caron. (her new word is nigger. everyone, regardless of race, is a nigger, or 'nig'.) She'll think it's from her friend who calls her nig, but he will deny it, and it will be.... a mystery heart!

Yeah, I need to post to the discussion board, shower my nasty ass and go the fuck to bed.

Damn you, in the closet boy.



*Take This Test!*

Woah - deja vu.

Anyway, I was going to say that I'm slightly embarassed now on behalf of environmentalists. It's one thing to use numbers in an argument, it's another to twist them in your favor. Use numbers if they fit, come up with a good rebuttal if they don't. It's basic debate (I think). I really want to contact someone in these liberal orgs and ask them why they're using them in such a way. Because it's an easier to win people over by lying to them? That's not good, people. Shame on you. Show me some real numbers, or show me some good alternatives, and then I'll debate on your behalf. Until then, I'll just send meaningless little emails to senators when you write them for me, and feel like I'm doing a good deed and staying active and informed, when I really know I'm not. If this gets done, I'll partly blame you for handling it badly, and possibly fucking up our credibility for battles to come. Tsk tsk tsk.