Well, I had started a post, but Ayako:s Japanese laptop ate it. (For future reference, : = ' , because shift-7 is too hard to get an apostrophe)

So anyway, as I was saying. To start off my trip to P-Town for the commencement festivities, I missed my flight. Mom insisited on me repacking my suitcase and printing out my itinerary (which I didn:t need), thus making us 20 minutes late and ending up with me being too late to get the bags on my flight. Luckily I was flying USAir, since Charlotte and Pittsburgh are their hubs, so I hopped on a flight connecting to Phoenix that left 2 hours later. So I grabbed a BK Veggie and snuggled up at my gate to finish Beloved. Wow. What an absolutely amazing book. I devoured it until the plane was almost ready to take off, and it put me in a wonderful contemplative philosophical state of mind. I was penning an epiphany in my mind at the time, but it:s been too long to recover it. Maybe some other time, or some other blog.

Well, I landed in Pittsburgh fine, but went to go wait on the wrong side of the airport for my ride (I went to the bus side out of habit), until a baggage handler who had noticed me waiting forever told me I was in the wrong place. (intense feeling of stupidity.) Luckily, Ayako and Laura got lost in a detour due to construction on one of the tunnels, and we arrived at the same place at the same time. So it was okay. ;)

We went straight from the airport out to dinner, at a place called Aladdin:s in Squirrel Hill, on Forbes Ave. Great place, nice decor, great food, highly decent prices. It:s not as cheap as Baba D:s but you get better stuff. I had a tabboule pocket. Afterwards, we wandered around until we found the Bubble Tea place. I:ve been hearing it from various places - the first was in an email Ayako sent me that I:ve been meaning to put on my website - what kind of Asian are you? (i.e. Fresh off the Boat, Trendy Asian Bitch, etc.). It mentioned Bubble Tea along with various (I:m assuming) anime characters. Then Hyperdramatic mentioned it, and then here we were - 8208 1/2 Forbes Ave, with pictures of various flavored teas in fancy glasses - with little black marbles in the bottom. It looked like frog:s eggs, or something of that ilk. We check the menu - green tea, milk tea, black tea, each with half a dozen flavors. Various random things to eat and drink (toast with jam?). Through the glass we see 2 tables full of young Asian men, college students probably. One table is smoking inside. We walk up, and Laura and I decide to split one... just in case. Ayako gets an almond milk tea, Laura and I split passion fruit flavored black tea. The straws are huge - maybe 1/2 to 3/4 inch in diameter. I try it - the tea is good! The balls of black tapioca (why black? we don:t know) quiver up the straw with some velocity, like they:ve been shot from a cannon. All of a sudden, 5 marbles of tapioca - flavorless, chewy tapioca - are rolling around in my mouth with the passion fruit tea. A strange experience, but not neccesarily unpleasant.

After we get our bubble tea, we walk down the street laughing (many puns and double entendres with the word :balls: ensue) and wander into the new bead and yarn shop that opened up around the corner. Very nice yarn, very cool hats. We play around with the beads and Laura breaks a string, sending electric-orange seed beads (tiny, tiny little things) scattering around the carpet. We do our best to pick it up, but I:m afraid some have made their escape down the air conditioning vent. Luckily the owners are very nice and don:t make her pay for it or anything. Ayako buys a few beads for a necklace and we pick up class schedules (they teach knitting, crocheting, beading, etc., for like 25 dollars/2 classes).

We try to decide what to do for a while, and land upon baking cookies. We hit the Geegle (aka Giant Eagle Grocery Store) and hem and haw over what kind we want. Finally we decide on white chocolate macadamia nut (!). I pick up some 8th continent soymilk to try it, a new vanilla Coke, and we head home. Do a lot of talking in the kicthen (mostly bitching about housemate Sylvia, highly uncooperative especially about current cleaning disputes), bake the cookies (gooood), and hit the sack.

Next day we head to Monroeville Mall for Mexican food at El Campesino, wander around Joanne fabrics and pick up knitting supplies for :craft night:, and hit Vicky:s secret to pick me up a new bra or two (my total of wearable bras was down to one, since the recent demise of my other one). Luckily I find a nice simple style on sale for 15 bucks a piece and pick up two. Ayako tries on a bunch, takes forever, and Laura and I hang out in the corner, laughing and discussing how uncomfortable the store makes us feel. I feel like a pervert or something, but there was an older guy across the way listening in on our conversation, so I transferred that feeling to him. ;)

Back home, we spent a few hours learning to knit and I felt like a child again with no manual dexterity. I:m making a pretty decent-looking scarf in cornflower blue (it:s about 4 inches long and 6 inches wide, at this point, with a small hole where I missed a stitch), and it:s a great way to kill time. Even better than a computer, although more physcially uncomfortable. Ayako:s parents take longer than expected to check in ( by a few hours, we were starting to get worried ) and I chat with Lisa A. who I haven:t had a chance to talk to since she came back from France. She:s a fantastic photographer, I couldn:t believe her work when I saw it up at the Red Door gallery on campus. She:s going to be a photographer:s assistant part time this summer, so there:ll be 5 of us in the house - me, Ayako, Lisa, Pam (who:ll be here next year), and Erin, who apparently is subletting Sylvia:s room while she:s in Rome and LA. We:ve yet to meet Erin.

Finally, Ayako finds her family and we decide to head to Joe Mama:s for some late night half price Italian food. We got some killer artichoke dip to start and I got ravioli. Goood stuff. When our bill came, it was under 20 dollars - for really good Italian food, 3 people. She forgot to put the drinks on but it was okay because she misheard Laura:s order and brought her rigatoni with chicken and cream sauce instead of rigatoni with meat sauce.

We got back to the house and crashed - this morning, woke up early because Ayako:s family came over around 10 to go pick up her cap and gown, get food for the design family picnic later today, and get ready for her honors convocation. It:s funny how much Ayako:s parents remind me of mine. I guess that:s why we get along so well. A quiet, intelligent father who:s very easygoing (in public, anyway ;) and a fun crazy mother who says whatever is on her mind. She also brought along her younger brother (I think he:s 16 or 17 by now) and their family friend, a custom tailor(ess). I think I hear Lisa:s family downstairs, too. I can:t believe everyone:s graduating!

Ayako and I were talking about it today - we:ve been under the same label for the past 16 or so years, and now it finally ends. I can:t believe everyone here is going off to be a real adult now, and I:ll be following in only a few short months. It:s crazy. Boggles the mind. We were both thinking about our first day at college... I remember my parents leaving, the tears and the hugs, walking back to my dorm, on my own for the first real time. I walked to my elevator, and another girl got in with me. We both looked at each other, sniffling, with tears in our eyes, and laughed sheepishly. Great memory.

So much has changed in the last few years. How am I going to take it, moving in for the last time, without my dad to help, to load the car, to get frustrated when we try to do things in whatever order we feel like, rather than the :correct: one? Without the interest in his voice when I tell him about the projects in class, show him the VR stuff on the computer, discuss what I want to do after graduation.... and god, the commencement, when it finally comes, and I:m in my cap and gown with my mom (maybe my sisters, if they can get there)... and he:s not there. It:s messing me up already to think about it.

Well, one step at a time, I suppose. First I have to pick a room, clean it out (I have the intense desire to clean every inch of this house, which no doubt will dissipate as soon as I start trying), decorate it with my stuff and start my job with Barb. I:ll try to catch Alexys at the picnic and see how her end of the internship went thus far, and what she:s doing this summer. I saw the recycling center - very cool, Ayaka and Roger did a great job on it. It could stand a little more stuff - I:m all for clean lines and white space, but it just looks a little underused for now. Which is good, we will need the room later, I:m sure.

There:s at least 2 families somewhere in the house.. I:m not sure if I should be going somewhere with Ayako soon or not, so I:ll sign off and go try to fix my knitting (for some reason, I switched from knit to purl in the middle of a row). More to come later, maybe not till Monday tho.

Hmmm... I'm in a gaming mood, so I'm just blogging while waiting for what may or may not be a free copy of Diablo to download. I have no money, so I have no shame. Heh.

Speaking of which, I had a long confrontational talk with Caron, and I think we resolved some issues. We'll see. Hopefully from now on, I'll be able to say something along the lines of 'okay, you've just exceeded my John quota', or something like that. I explained to her that there was a various combination of things pissing me off, and it's mostly when she touches on those subjects, and especially when she harps on them, that a problem occurs, and I get annoyed and mean.

I explained it to her thusly - today, the underwire in my bra broke in half. That's a first for me, personally - they usually just decide to emerge from their cocoon and attempt to escape via the neck of my shirt. I usually catch them when they start poking me. This one, however, split and tried its damndest to infiltrate my mammary gland. Of course, I didn't fully realize this until the end of the day, when I had a big red sore spot on the underside of my boob. Not enjoyable. So I explained to Caron that John is like that piece of wire poking my boob. Up to a point, I just deal with it, although it's not really something I am ever pleased about. After a while, though, I'm sore, and I no longer can tolerate the sharp metal digging into me.

I think she got it.

I got 2 1/3 ceramics pieces back (out of 5). Mom's bowl and stand came out really nicely. Not perfect, but enough drips and discoloration to make it interesting. Ayako's bowl came out cruddy. The glaze is not a pretty color (it's like dirty milk with clumps of orange) and it completely covered the slip decoration I'd put on underneath. So I'm going to buy a really pretty candle to put inside! Or give her the choice of taking my incense/votive burner, which is going to turn out really cool looking, I think, from the 1/3 of it I got back. Not that it'll be attractive at all, or match with anyone's decor. But it *will* look like a carnivorous alien insect, which is what I was going for.

I need to see a movie! I've missed so many movies that I really wanted to see, and I've been jonesing for Spiderman for like ever. I was watching the Daily Show today and happened to catch their film reviewer's, um, review of it. I saw a scene I'd never seen before (I swear I saw a scene I saw) - where after he gets bit by a spider, he gets - MUSCLES! (pronounced musk-els) Woah there, Tobey baby. *wolf whistle* And if I don't get to see Star Wars Ep II pretty soon after it comes out, I'm gonna be pissed. I want to drool over Ewan, aged though he may be. And I'm warming up to that ... guy, what is his name? Christensen? Where did he come from, anyway, is he a newbie? I dunno, at first, I was like, what, he's the *only* eye candy they're giving us? WTF? Hamill was better than *that*. But he's starting to look better the more I see him. Perhaps I'm swayed by knowing the ending. *sigh* I guess that's the problem with prequels.

Wow. I sound incredibly shallow. And spoiled. Somewhat like a valley girl. Ah well.

I think I've discovered what makes blogs popular, or more specifically, what makes mine not. #1, long posts. #2, long boring posts with lots of bitching. #3, not enough linkage to new and interesting and exciting things that no one else has linked to. #4, no deep thoughts, especially none phrased in a particularly literary manner. That's okay, though. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for me. If I really cared about providing decent content to Internet readers, I'd start all over, and come up with a theme. I have an idea for one, but it would have to be anonymous for me to do it right, so I won't mention what it would be. *evil laugh* The other blog would have some sort of structure besides long posts ranting about how I have no life, or my relationship difficulties, or whatever the hell else I post about. I'd pick something, like the activities in the Beeler house (4 girls, one guy, how can you go wrong?), or design, or something like that. Not attempting to chronicle my entire daily life - keep it simple, stupid. If I cared. But then, if I cared, I would be transferring my high school portfolio to my 100 megs free account so that I could put it online again. I need to find a decent webhosting service to keep for a long time. Oh yeah, and one that's pretty cheap... I just need a few dozen megs of space, ftp capability and php stuff. Nothing fancy.

I'd link to the CMU designers' page, but I'm afraid it would get back to me, and all my secrets would be known. *gasp*

I'll make this quick, because it's bedtime and I have a piercing headache.

But before I forget, I must announce that I am connected to David Sedaris by two degrees of seperation. Maybe three. The lady who tinted my mom's windows in our house (sun comes in, heats the room, fades the furniture - tinting stops this) is married to Chug (who usually goes by a normal name, I forget what), who lived on David Sedaris' street when they were little in Raleigh, NC. Apparently, Chug and his sister - Linda? Lydia? something like that, are mentioned in one of his books. I don't recall that name from Me Talk Pretty One Day (god, how many times am I going to link to this book), but I guess it could be in there. She said when Chug's mother died, Mr. Sedaris (David's father) was at the funeral. Chug congratulated him on all of David's books, and he was just kind of, 'eh, whatever', and walked away. She also said their whole family is very intelligent, but kooky. That kind of fits with the impression from the book (which she hadn't read yet, but plans to).

Anyway. I have a thing for celebrity - not out of control, but I have a definite thing. Like most people, I suppose. I want to be like sugar. A hip interesting New York gal who runs into famous people when she goes out to eat at the trendy places... with a killer sense of humor and fantastic confidence. Like Parker Posey is in all of her films. ...sigh... We always want what we don't got, eh?

Well, g'night all. Mr. Advil and I are hitting the sack.

Question #1: why is my mom watching Full House??

Question #2: am I a bad friend? (prepare for ranting and self-doubt)

It's Caron. Again. Is it wrong that she's annoying me beyong belief? That I have to restrain myself every time I talk to her, that I roll my eyes when she calls and desperately think of some way not to pick up the phone when my mom has already said I'm home?

Is it wrong that I feel no sympathy whatsoever for her 'plight'? That I want to tell her to suck it up, shut the fuck up, and get over it, and get on with a real life? (Not that I have the right to tell anyone that, but I'm not calling them up every day to complain about it. Except you, but reading my blog is optional. And before that, I mostly kept it to myself.)

She just feels all miserable, and complaining. 'What am I going to do? Tell me what to do? Why aren't you saying anything??' Forget about him, he's a big loser. I just told you what to do. What else do you want me to say?? I'm sorry, but he's a big loser, and I know she's been sleeping with him and/or friends with him for almost as long as she's known me. But he is a FUCKING LOSER, and she doesn't understand that a loser with potential, or a loser that sometimes does really sweet things, is still a LOSER. He's rich as all hell, he could be smart if he tried, but he's living off of his mom's money and his investment earnings in a trailer in Ft. Lauderdale, with no job, buying hideously expensive electronics while his alcoholic friend drinks himself to death on his couch and his other friend tries his damndest to get AIDS. In my opinion, a loser with money is an even bigger loser, because he has no excuse. He got all the breaks and used none of them, because he's a big lazy slob who doesn't give a shit. And I don't give a shit about him, and I cannot for the life of me understand why Caron does. Let alone entertaining thoughts of marrying him, even going so far as asking me if I would be maid of honor at their wedding, should one ever occur. What the fuck. What THE FUCK.

Oooh, that's a great line I just heard from downstairs (mom's now channel surfing, thank god) - "Shut up! Shut up!" "I'll shut up when I want to shut up!" "I said shut up! Lose a few pounds and shut up!" *smack*

Anyway, back to ranting. So am I a bad person because I feel no sympathy for the problem she created for herself? I mean, it's not like I'm saying I told you so, but she's calling me almost every day to complain for hours. She expects me to care what happens between them, she really does, and she wants everyone to feel bad for her. Why?? Because she lied one too many times to a fucking loser, and now he doesn't want to talk to her? For THAT she's crushed? For THAT she's depressed and despondent?

I feel horrible for Ayako because her boyfriend treated her like shit. She tried to help him, she was there for him, she did everything. When she calls me up to complain, it's because he's giving her the silent treatment and being an ass around their friends and making her life miserable. I feel bad for her. It's not her fault. She didn't create the situation herself to add more drama. She's relieved when I say I feel sorry for her. Caron's upset if I don't.

I just feel torn - am I being a bad friend because I don't feel sorry for Caron? Because she's difficult and annoying and does stupid stuff all the damn time? Because our views about very important things are totally different, because she calls too often and talks too long... I mean, if I was a good friend, would this stuff matter? Or does our friendship still even exist?

Every time the phone rings I'm afraid it's her and that I'll have to talk to her. It makes me feel guilty.

She's just so insensitive sometimes. She called me up last night during ER and asked if I was watching (this being the episode about Dr. Green and his family in Hawaii when he dies). She was like, "Why not?? It's so sad!" I said, "That's *why* I'm not watching." She was like, "How can you not be watching??" I finally lost it and said, "I've already been through it. I don't need to see it again." There's no way she couldn't have picked up that I was upset. Luckily, she dropped it, changed the subject, talked for a while (during which I did homework) and then said she'd call me another time. I don't even listen to her anymore. It doesn't matter whether or not I have any distractions (although it is more obvious then) - I listen to her just enough to know when to make 'uh-huh' comments, occasionally answer a question. It's getting to be like a game - how much can I not listen without her noticing? Because I don't care. I've heard it all before, every time. Every time the relationship ends with a guy, every time she fucks up and says, "what do I do? He's refusing to talk to me, what do I do?"

And then she says she's always in control, that she builds an 'escape route' into the relationship and triggers it when it gets too close. She does it on purpose. If her lie ends a relationship, it's because she wanted it to. Okay. THEN WHY DOES SHE KEEP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT AND STRESSING OVER IT AND CALLING ME UP AND BUGGING ME ENDLESSLY TO TELL HER WHAT TO DO and all I want to say is, it's simple. DON'T LIE.

She goes on about how I'm a hypocrite, because I'm vegetarian yet I eat at McDonalds (although not their fries anymore, since I found out they use beef flavoring in them), because I'm supporting them even though I'm not eating their beef. I never claimed to be Mother fucking Theresa. She says I shouldn't be lecturing her on morality, telling her not to lie, because I tell little white lies and occasionally cheated in high school. I'm sorry, but that's a lot different than taking money for fake abortions. It's not the same as telling your boyfriend, whom you supposedly love, a whole huge pack of lies about your life, because you want him to think better of you, so that his friends don't make fun of him as much, so he doesn't mind so much that you're not a skinny little ho-bag. I'm sorry, but the person who does that has major issues. It's not the same as cheating on a chemistry test.

And I never complained to her endlessly about cheating or lying. I never whined and bitched about how my life sucks because of it. Because I never got caught? Yeah, okay. But if I had - there's no way I would have the balls to complain endlessly about my life being a mess because I had made it that way.

It's not like this just happened. It's not like I didn't feel the same way freshman year, when I'd tell her over and over again not to call so late because she was bugging my friends. She didn't care. She said, I'm not scared of them like I am your parents. Tell them to suck it up. What the fuck?? She'd say she called late because I was never there, because I never returned her calls. Did she ever think why?? Because she was dishing out some huge lie to me, or talking about the huge lie she was creating for her boyfriend/ friends, or complaining because the huge lie had ended the friendship. Those were the worst times. Because she'd call all the time, and all she would do is whine and complain and worry about what was she going to do, what can she do to fix it, what can she do now.

The answer is always the same. Get even with him, forget about him, find another victim and do the same damn thing all over again. Dave, Rob, Jason, John - it's always the same. And I'm sick of it, I can't care any more, I can't feel bad for her any more. And I don't want to hear it anymore.

She's fun to be with, and I've known her forever, and I know her family. But I'm seriously thinking that the only way I can continue to be friends with her is if she doesn't bring up or talk about any of her ex-boyfriends. If she gets a new boyfriend and tells me she lied to him, I don't think I can stand that either. I'm not saying lying to him as in, 'Mmm, honey, this tastes great!' or 'I love golf', or 'how did you know?'. I'm saying telling him "Fine, don't talk to me if you're pissed at me, but I just wanted to let you know that my period was late." Was late. Two weeks ago, it was a couple days late, but since then it's been and gone. And now she's upset because he wants proof of the next abortion. What can I say? At least he's learning. But I cannot sympathize with her. I cannot feel sorry for her. And I can't listen to it anymore.

If you're wondering about the manic/depressive nature of my recent posts, blame my hormones. Sometimes I hate being a woman - but consider the alternative. ;)

Blogger is having some issues with my page.. I wonder why. This here post is gonna be image-heavy. First things first, a Spark.com quiz result!





Now, I have to ask - is Me Talk Pretty One Day required reading for all bloggers?

And, finally, pictures!! Of some of the stuff I've been mentioning off and on throughout my posts. If I actually had any regular readers, a) I'd know about it and b) this would be very useful and exciting. As it is, this is rather pointless but satisfying in an exhibitionist sort of way.

Here are my first two ceramics projects. Yes, they're supposed to look like this, except for the giant cracks. Heh.


Weird bug-shell thing

Incense burner for Jenny

Happy family!

And here's 1/3 of my final drawing project. I didn't like the other 2/3 as much.

Self portrait

My model. ;)

I know I look a bit ... strange, but I needed a new pose for my face. I'd done looking up, looking sideways, looking frontways.... anyway, you get the idea.

Later I'll post pictures of the dining room stripes and the hand-painted tuscan bathroom. G'night everyone!

Well, I found out last night that the 500/week design job doesn't have room for me. I misinterpreted Bronwen's email - I thought she was the 'leader' of the group, and that the job was mine if I wanted it. She said to contact Laura for more info - tried in vain to do so for weeks. Then I tried to contact Bronwen for more info - again, in vain, for weeks. Finally, I emailed the rest of the random strangers in the group for more info, and got a near-immediate reply that the funding is only for 6 people, and they already have 6, and thanks for the email but they can't help me.

Damn.

So, I'm taking the campus job. But I have a good feeling about it - Barb's cool, and I'm working with Alexys, who is, as I've said at least twice today, the absolute best. I start June 3rd, work 37.5 hours a week, and I get my own desk. Works for me. I'll get to help green up the campus and get some more office experience, particuarly in doing green work. Cool beans.

I'm also finally enrolled back at CMU, so I've spent the majority of today trying to figure out my classes. Of course, all the ones I want to take are during my other required classes, reserved for sophomores or art majors or whatever, have a waitlist in the double digits, or require 3 prerequisites that I don't have. So I found a history class to fulfill my academic requirement (American Environmental History - Critical Issues - sounds like fun) and a (just in case I don't take a class this summer) elective called Art in Culture. It's only 6 units (instead of the normal nine) but that leaves me with only .5 unit left for graduation, and Melissa said she'd wave that. Whoo!

So I went searching for summer classes that I could take - one summer class at UPitt will end up being somewhere around $500.00 (the one I picked was a Women's Lit class in the evenings so I could take it after work - held in the Cathedral of Learning, of all things, which Ayako refers to as 'the giant phallus') - Penn State is $500.00/class, and it seems everything else requires being in a program or getting your masters degree. So I'm back to looking at good ol' Central Piedmont for a purely online course (hopefully won't have to fly back to Charlotte each time I want to take a test), because the price is right and I'm already enrolled.

I'm having weight issues again - well, they never stop, but sometimes they come to the forefront. I had the thought today that maybe I could try to survive on nothing but soy milk and vitamins. I'd get my protein, the basics - it has some carbs, some fat, enough for each day, and the rest my body can get from its own damn self. My mom keeps buying bread and cheese and stuff like that, I keep eating (more than I should of) it, she says what the hell is up with that, I say I don't know, and it keeps going in its vicious little cycle. I obviously don't have enough self control to eat small amounts of things, so that kind of diet won't work. I need to eat food that tastes bad, food that I don't like, but is good for me. I'll eat just enough to keep me going, and not eat any more than I need. As I said before, I obviously don't have the luxury of eating food that tastes good, like bread. I'll sentence myself to a lifetime of nasty crappy healthy food and let it go at that. I just have to get to a place where other people aren't buying me food. Like Pittsburgh. No communal food. And I'll try to explain to Ayako that throwing out brownies is less of a waste than encouraging me to eat them.

I feel like everything is on hold until I get to Pittsburgh. I'm just biding my time until then - don't start anything new, finish up what's going on, and somehow pass the time until June. It's a horrible, helpless feeling. I think I'm in the midst of a very mild depression for various compounding reasons. The worst of it is that I don't think I can do anything about it until I get to Pittsburgh. I hope things'll change for the better - freedom, friends, self-control, a real job - these things will be good for me. I'm anticipating a personal rennaisance of sorts, hoping that getting my life back will motivate me to do even more. Especially without an exhausting commute to worry about like last summer. I'm hoping. Hoping hoping hoping, and waiting. I feel like I'm in a cocoon - a frightening, depressing, greasy cocoon, waiting...

Or maybe I'm just filthy nasty and need to take a shower. It's worth a try.

Woohoo! One lab down, one more to go. I really did some cheesy shortcuts for that lab, but he didn't say we couldn't, so I'm assuming it's okay. I mean, I didn't even worry about mixing an array of characters and integers for the tic tac toe - I just used the ASCII codes. Enter 'X' into the array, meaning 88, then when it displays the chart, check if the array says 88, and if so, print X. Likewise, when checking to see if that space is already an X or an O, just check to see if the array is larger than 9 - none of this =='X' stuff. Heh, what can I say, I'm lazy. But it works! If I was more energetic right now, I'd bother checking a) if the board is full and no more moves can be made and b) if someone actually won. The wind is out of my sails, however, so I should just go to bed before it comes back.

By the way, I realize sometimes that I am neither geek nor non-geek. I'm a semi-geek, a geek mix, a quasi-geek. For instance, I've heard the term 'Begin Geek code block', but I have no idea what it does, or what to do with the gibberish that follows. I can read h4x0r but not 'speak' it. I play computer games but I'm not what would be called a 'gamer'. I *make* video games but all I really do is paint, and the only console I own is older than I am (yeeeah Intellivision). I feel like I can never be fully accepted into either of these worlds - I'm too anti-social and nerdy for the 'real' world, and I'm too ignorant for the inner sanctums of geekness. I am destined to wander alone, programming my HTML by hand but ignoring Java or any other higher forms of web design, using photoshop to paint but stonewalled by Borland C++, with my 3 computers and no PDA. What's a girl to do? ...sigh...

Anyhoot. Night all.

Oy! Well, that's over with. Drawing class has been completed - 'A', thank you very much. It kind of reminds me of high school - with the amount of work I put into it, I really deserved a B, but because I either grasped the concepts quicker than most people or had some sort of natural ability, I get an A without really trying. There was even more of a disparity in this class because I've taken its equivalent at least 3 times before. The teacher said during my crit that she should have challenged me more. I didn't say anything - should I have told her I was just taking it for credit and fun, and didn't really care about adding to my portfolio? Ah well.

Ceramics is mostly done - I had almost all of my pieces glazed for the crit, and that was about on par with everyone else. I stayed after the (extremely short and painless) crit to finish up my work. Poor Mom is horribly sick - I got a ride with Sheila this morning because she felt too bad to drive. Sheila also took Doug to his checkup. He's looking good for a man with no femur. I managed to resist telling Joanne's motorcycle-fixated sister his story, although I imagine if she decides to get one against her parents wishes, I might bring it up. It's a shame, I really like motorcycles too - they're so beautiful. The Harley types, I mean, not those plastic-covered race bikes. Although, as freaked as I am sometimes about driving/riding in cars, I'd be tense as all hell on a motorcycle. Maybe I should start with a Vespa...

I'm feeling just a touch out of it. I got home today, did some random stuff, (badly) cooked dinner (Boca burger & tater tots, both underdone), watched a movie, and took a nap. Well, I guess it's not technically a nap, considering it was 4 hours long. I keep doing that - laying down to rest at 6 or 7 pm and waking up hours later in a fog. At least I did wake up, cuz I needed to take out my contacts. I think it was one of my dreams that woke me - another home-invasion nightmarish thing, although this was different than most. I won't bore you with the details - but think I started freaking out because these men were in the house with me (alone), and it woke me up a little, because I started manipulating the dream enough to keep me safe. Later, when I left the house, I found out it was all a big misunderstanding, and they were actually just part of an activist group trying to save some examples of Shakespearean history that was somewhere in the huge trashed abandoned house I was in. *shrug* Don't know what was up with that. Or my profound happiness at having copious amounts of Dr. Pepper at my disposal. Hmm.

Anyhoo, it doesn't look like Ayako's going to call me back to discuss the possible trip to the bay area this summer, so I'll do something productive. Whether or not it'll be meaningful is as yet unsure... redesign my webpage, or do a programming lab? Or ooo, a computer game, I haven't played one of those in forever. Well, we shall see. Night all.

Omigod. I know that sounds 14-year-oldish, but that's how I feel. I'm chatting with Ayako, and she mentioned hot guys playing shirtless soccer, and happened to mention my favorite hottie was sans top, and I nearly had a seizure. Ahhh!! AAAAAAAAAAA!

I did one programming lab today, cleaned up a little read a bunch of magazine articles... dinner last night was nasty, so I ordered pizza and watched the 6th sense on TV. Caron came over and talked throughout a bunch of the movie, asking me to clarify stuff, and making fun of it, and while I was explaining it she would shush me so she could hear what was going on. Caron is not an easy person to watch a movie with. She took off near the end to go home, and then I switched around and found Philadelphia on TNT's Kleenex Tearjerker Theatre. I turned it off about 1 1/2 hours later - it's not the kind of movie you *have* to finish, once you've seen it.

Man! I keep getting mental images of half-naked hotties. I'm trying my best not to giggle, but I am grinning like a fool and waving my hands around. Heeee! *squeal*

I'm probably getting sick. My mom has a sore throat, and she's so hoarse she sounds like that guy in Independence Day and Mrs. Doubtfire. It's kind of funny, except that she feels awful. And I'm going to feel awful next. With finals in the next few days. Woohoo.

Currently, though, I'm the sponge for Ayako's rants on IM about evil/stupid ex-boyfriends, so I shall depart. And occasionally giggle when thinking of my hottie. eeee! :D

Well, Lisa and I worked on the bathroom until about 1:30. We got a lot done - I was in the kitchen for a while, and I went back in and I was so amazed.... it's a little on the busy side, but it was filled with all the painting stuff so that probably didn't help. I should put some pictures of it on here..

After she left, as usual, I took a break and never started again. It's the TV, it does that to me. I was flipping through the channels, trying to decide what to watch. I found a period piece on WE, which was exactly what I was in the mood for, so I watched it for a while, but it was about these little rich kids with British accents. I'm not overly fond of children, so I watched the end of some random James Spader movie and then flipped back, and holy shit! The kids had grown up and turned into Christian Slater and Jared Leto!! I stayed on it after that. :) It turned out to be Basil, and Claire Forlani turned up as a slutty young bitch. I wonder when she picked up that squinting habit of hers that she showed off so well in Meet Joe Black. After that was over, I happened to come upon The Maltese Falcon, which I can never turn away from. Such a good movie, they're so hard to find anymore.

Speaking of which, I just read our local critic's review of the Spiderman movie. He was pretty nasty about it, but then he's pretty nasty about everything. He just can't sit back and enjoy a stupid freaking movie like Spiderman, he has to make comments about the flatness of the characters and how things just kind of 'happen'. Whatever dude, you obviously had higher expectations for this movie than most people. It doesn't need to be *good*, or even freaking *realistic* - it's Spiderman, for chrissake. Drink your coke and don't think too hard. I'm gonna need to see that sometime soon. I've missed all the other movies I wanted to see, because either everyone saw them first and didn't want to see them again, or they never wanted to see them in the first place because they're sissy little girls. I haven't even seen Lord of the Rings yet, for crying out loud, let alone the Count of Monte Cristo or Brotherhood of the Wolf. At least Jenny said something about going to see Spiderman (she's a big fan of Kirsten Dunst, and I think she likes Tobey Maguire too) It's so cool that the future Spiderman was on our campus.

Mom's home - time to cook dinner. Night y'all...