Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Spiders

To the Arachnid Nation:
Look, spiders. We have had this discussion I don't know how many times. I'm not sure how much clearer I can make this.

Unless you want to die a horrible fucking death, there are 3 locations that are off-limits. Everywhere else ends in either an assisted catch-and-release or inter-species tolerance, even admiration on my part.
1. My person. In general, do not approach.
2. My bathroom, when I am in it and can see you. Spiders smaller than a pea are exempt. Nudity can turn infractions into explosive situations.
3. My bedroom, again when I am present and you are visible. (I know for a fact that some have taken advantage of darkness and bit me in my sleep, I assume in revenge for the death of a loved one. Well played.)

You KNOW these rules; I explicitly stated them aloud during the short-lived Basement Tenancy of '08. So why, WHY did one of your party just RUN TOWARDS MY ANKLES WHILE I WAS TAKING A DUMP?!
I had no choice but to execute.

I think I have been more than fair with these limits. I hope you decide against retribution.

Sincerely,
-W



Seriously though it is like alien spider invasion out there WTF.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

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